Here, as a half hearted attempt at a comeback, is the very first mildly inappropriate joke I learned as a child. I found it on a sheet of paper someone had given my grandfather years and years ago. And so I offer you…….
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On the day God created humans, all of the parts of the human body began to argue about which one should be the boss of the new operation. Brain spoke up first.
“Obviously, I should be the boss,” said Brain. “I already run the show. All of you can only do what I tell you to do anyway.”
But others were not so convinced. Heart spoke next. “Hold on, Brain.” said Heart. “You have power, it’s true, but you can’t even begin to function without the work that I do. Without the blood I pump to you, you would die.”
Not to be outdone, Eyes piped in with their part. “Without us you are blind!” they cried. “We are literally your windows to this world. You are lost without us.”
Finally, Legs had their say. “We carry all of you! Without us, the whole lot of you would be stuck,” they said.
And so, a heated argument began between the different parts of the body over who should be boss. Over the din, a voice called out, “Hey! HEY! What about me? I want to be the boss!”
It was Asshole.
After a moment of thunderstruck silence, the other parts of the body began to laugh hysterically, nearly collapsing the whole body in their mirth.
“You?!” cried Brain. “You are an asshole. You can never be the boss! Imagine it! An asshole as boss!” And off the parts of the body went again in their hysterical laughter.
Well, Asshole was so offended, so affronted, that he closed up.
At first, no one thought much of it.
But then, as time went by, the parts of the body began to notice they didn’t feel so well. Legs were tired and weak. They were having trouble holding up the other parts of the body. Eyes couldn’t focus and were weary and droopy. As more time passed, and Asshole stayed closed up, Heart began to beat heavily, sometimes skipping a beat because of the body’s general misery. And, of course, Brain wasn’t doing so well either. More and more time passed, and still Asshole was closed. Brain began to be foggy and forget things. He couldn’t think or focus make the other body parts work correctly.
Finally, the parts of the body had had enough.
“FINE!” cried Brain. “Fine, Asshole, you are the boss! Just please, please open back up. You’re awesome, Asshole, we love you and we’d love for you to be our boss!”
And so it was that Asshole became boss of the human body.
The moral of the story is: You don’t have to be a brain to be the boss; just an asshole.
Share this with your boss!
Thank you and good night!