A Random (hopeful) Return

Greetings, dear reader.

Having a blog is a lot of fun.  It also hurts.  It’s there, stuck in your mind like a piece of popcorn stuck in your teeth, “I need to do a blog post.  How long has it been?  Boy, I really need to do a blog post.” And so on.

But what I’ve found is that you can’t force it.  Well, you can, but then it sucks, so what’s the point?  I suppose some people would argue that forced writing is better than no writing at all.  They would be wrong.

Anyway, I decided that since I don’t a have a great idea for one good post, I will share with you some random musings from the past few days.

  • If we are ever faced with an invasion on American soil, I believe my cat, Mason, could stop it single-handedly (single pawedly?) He has perfected the art of the “running leg bump.” As you are walking along, he flies by you, silently, and bumps into your leg.  He does this in such a way that he collides with the leg that is in the process of stepping, so he doesn’t technically knock you down, he just throws you completely off-balance and causes you to do that ridiculous stumble thing, you know the one, where you would have been better off if you had just fallen.  Anyway, any land forces wouldn’t stand a chance.  They’d retreat to their home country (or possibly Canada) swearing and re-adjusting all of their equipment.
  • I find it difficult to believe that we, as a nation, have not found a viable purpose for drier lint.  I mean, think about it.  Drier lint is basically the chewed up remains of our clothing, right?  I have a trash can beside my washer and drier, and it is full to the top of drier lint. That’s enough stuff to get at least a couple of articles of clothing, right?  At least some socks? Anybody?
  • I sat in a restaurant today and listened to the lady sitting behind us lament at the state of her daughter’s marriage.  The gist of her whole diatribe was that her son-in-law is an ass and her daughter is a saint.  At one point she said, and I swear this is true, “He wants her to be the little Suzy Housewife and stay home all day and take care of the kids and cook and clean.  My daughter wants more out of her life than that.” Since it isn’t my forte to yell at people in restaurants (unless they really, really deserve it) I let it pass.  But it really chapped my ass.  First of all, I am a housewife, I guess.  I assume I am, based on the cultural definition.  My name isn’t Suzy.  Also, I think my life is pretty full, and furthermore, I like my life.  I don’t fit any mold or definition that I’m aware of, and to hear another woman say that was very disappointing, though not all that surprising, which brings me to my next topic:
  • What in the hell has happened to feminism?  In my college days I considered myself a feminist, but dear Lord, not now.  Apparently being a feminist means I have to show my boobs to people and go naked into a church.  I’m not sure how this shows that women are intelligent and worthy of the same opportunities as men, but whatever.  Maybe I’ve missed too many meetings to speak intelligently on the subject.  To my way of thinking, walking down the street naked would do the opposite of making people take me seriously.  Also, I don’t think I qualify anymore because I think it’s okay if a woman wants to stay home and take care of her family, and I think it’s okay if she doesn’t.  Back when I was a feminist (approximately 200 years ago) it was about equality and safety and opportunities, not about boobs.  I am more than a walking, talking vagina, and if Ashley Judd is the best spokesperson we can come up with, boy are we in trouble.

That was fun, right?

I’ve missed you all, and I hope maybe you’ve missed me, too.  It’s time to go do my Suzy Housewife-ly duties, and maybe take a walk.  I’ll be on the lookout for the cat.


Shameless Promotion

I’m about to do some of it!

In an effort to increase the cash flow up in here (and to keep my hands and mind busy) I’ve been piddling around making some jewelry.  Rather than jump in whole hog and get my own website, I decided to join Etsy!  So, in a shameless act of self-promotion, I’m providing you with the link to my Etsy shop, where you can browse all of my wonderful pieces and hopefully spend some of your wonderful money!  Extra love for anyone who wants to spread the word!

Drum roll please……..


Click it, love it, spread it, shop it!  I will be forever grateful!


(Note–all proceeds go to support my jewelry making habit.)



Lists. Movies. What’s not to Love?

Today I am linking up with The Northwest Mommy.  It’s Monday Listicles, and everyone knows how I LOVE lists.  Even better:  it’s a list about movie quotes, which I speak fluently.  I even did a post before about how my mind is constantly conjuring up movie quotes and song lyrics in response to everyday situations.

The job today is to make a list of my top ten movie quotes.  Baby, I could make a list of a thousand movie quotes, but I’ll spare you.  I’ll just give you a list of the ones that pop into my head the most often.

  1. “I’ll be damned!” “You may indeed, if you get lucky.” This is from Tombstone, in a conversation between Doc Holiday and Wyatt Earp. Every time I hear someone say “I’ll be damned,” I think the response.  I can’t even help it.
  2. “Put the f—— lotion in the basket!” from Silence of the Lambs.  This ones comes up every time I see anyone holding a bottle of lotion.
  3. Also from SOTL, “Hey you don’t know what pain is!” This is also something Buffalo Bill yells down at his captive in the pit in his basement.  This is after she manages to set a trap and get his little doggie down the well with her.  She yells up at him that she thinks the dog is in a lot of pain.  He yells this down in response.  For some reason, whenever someone is whiney, this pops into my head.
  4. “There is no normal life, Wyatt.  There’s just life.  Go. Live it.” This one is also from Tombstone, which I have seen many, MANY times, in case you couldn’t tell.  Doc says it at the end.  It’s sort of cheesy, but I like it.  I don’t really believe in the word “normal,” and I guess that’s I especially liked this one.
  5. “I’m gonna lean up against you and you just lean right back up against me.  This way we don’t have to sleep with our heads in the mud.” This is from Forrest Gump.  Bubba says it to Forrest while they are in Vietnam.  You’ve gotta have friends, man.
  6. “Screw ’em! Screw the government!” Anthony Hopkins says this in Legends of the Fall.  He’s speaking in the context of Prohibition.  I particularly love this one, because it’s part of the inner vernacular of my marriage.
  7. “I feel like I’m babysitting except I’m not getting paid.”  I use this one a LOT.  It’s from The Goonies.
  8. “Un-be-LIEVE-able!” It’s hard to get this one without hearing the way she says it, but it’s from Cold Mountain. 
  9. “If you’re gonna spew, spew into this.” This one is from Wayne’s World. Garth holds this teeny little paper cup up to his inebriated friend and says this.  Any time someone says they feel sick, even if they are just speaking rhetorically, this one pops into my mind.
  10. “I promise some day I WILL repay you.  Unless of course I can’t find you or if I forget.”  I have no idea why I like this one so much, I just do.  It’s from Shrek 2.

Making this list made me realize something–I have a strange mind.

Huh.  Who knew?


Check out the rest of the awesome lists!


Monday Listicles





As an aside, my site is now entirely in italics, which I hate.  I did not do this.  Any thoughts or suggestions from the blogosphere?

One of the Cool Kids

I’m becoming quite popular.

Well, actually, I basically begged to be a guest poster.  Dave Barry says that writers trying to promote their work are “like hookers, only with less dignity.”  This time, though, I was already Aiming Low.

So I invite you, my devoted readers, to head on over to one of the most fun sites I’ve found in a long time.  Over there, being mediocre isn’t just tolerated–it’s celebrated.  So go.  Now.

Why are you still reading this?  Go!

Gun Culture

I’m not going to get into the whole parenting issue again, or talk about the laptop shooting dad, but rather an issue that I noticed while reading the many, many comments on my blog and others.

Lots of people were completely put off by the fact that the dad shot the laptop.  A good blogging friend of mine made the comment that to her, all of the validity of his point was lost the moment that dad pulled out the gun.  Several of the other comments were along the same line, and that made me stop to think about my own reaction to the gun.

I really didn’t have one.

That got me thinking.  I don’t think I’m right and the people who were disturbed by the gun were wrong.  I just think we’re different.

Let me get one thing out in the open–I’m not one of those so-called “gun enthusiasts” who hunt ducks with automatic weapons.  I don’t know why someone needs to own an AK47 (or whatever.)  Waiting periods and background checks don’t upset me.  Hunter education and firearm safety are fine ideas as far as I’m concerned.

So no, I’m not a gun nut….er….enthusiast, but I’m also not bothered by guns.  That’s because I live in a gun culture.

I’m in southern West Virginia.  If you think West Virginians are a bunch of gun-toting rednecks in pickup trucks, well, you’d be right.  I could personally shoot a shotgun, rifle, and handgun by the time I was eleven years old.  Most of my family was the same.  I was a tomboy, but even the “girly” girls around here have probably still been exposed to guns often during their lives.  There are guns in our house, and my own son can shoot and handle them well.  It’s just something that I’ve never really thought about.

But I guess to some, the thought of living in a house with numerous firearms is very alarming.  I remember meeting a dad on one of my many trips to Bethesda with my daughter.  He was a nice man from Baltimore, and he was talking about some problems with crime they were having in a neighborhood very near to his own.  We started chatting about where we lived, and about crime, and I mentioned that I could use a handgun and sincerely hoped no one would ever break into our house.  He was surprised that I even had a gun, let alone that I knew how to shoot it.  I told him pretty much every household in our whole region had a gun in it.  He sort of sniffed, and then said in this really snotty voice, “Well, I’m glad I don’t live there.”  I just shrugged.

I thought it was odd that he had just been telling me he was afraid he was basically going to be murdered in his bed, but the thought of having a gun in his house appalled him.

We have guns here.  Our kids see them all the time, and they aren’t impressed.  It’s no big deal.  There’s no mystery or intrigue, just knowledge and a healthy respect.  Of course there are idiots who break the law and do stupid things, but you don’t have to travel all the way to West Virginia to see that.

That’s why when the dad in the video pulled out his pistol and shot up the laptop, I wasn’t shocked.  There were other things in the video that shocked and upset me, but the gun wasn’t one of them.

Like I said, I don’t think I’m right and anyone who feels differently is wrong.  From my point of view, it’s no different from the way anybody reacts to things they aren’t used to.  It’s understandable.  There are habits and mannerisms in other states and cities that I’ve been to that were very off-putting to me.  It’s hard to refrain from passing judgement on people for those things.  But you have to realize that what you see as strange may just be the cultural norm for that person.  Stop and consider the things that you might do that others would think of as strange.  You might be surprised.

I’ll leave you with some advice.  Don’t be too quick to judge someone.  Stop to think about whether or not what they are doing is wrong, or just different.

Oh, and think twice before you break into my house.



The Sunshine Blog Award

I like awards.  I know they are really just a way for us to recognize other blogs that we like so we can all network and increase traffic, but that’s okay by me.  I especially like this one because a) I’ve never received it before and b) it recognizes blogs with that special flair for sarcasm and dry humor, two of my very favorite things.

Thanks to Rachel over at Lala Musings for putting me on her list.  Once you read her writing, you will understand what an honor it is to get a mention from her.  Check her out, follow her, stalk her.  You will not be sorry.  She is honest, slightly bitter, and more than slightly sarcastic at times, and the reading is all the better for it. 

So here’s the award–


Here are the rules:

  • Thank the person who gave you the award and write a post about it.
  • Answer the questions.
  • Pass it along to worthy blogs (10 or 12 if you can.)

Now, the Q & A session:

  1. Favorite Color:   Blue.  Too easy.
  2. Favorite Animal:  Well, I love almost all animals, but I have to reach (far) back into my childhood and pick the humpback whale.  When I went whale-watching in Hawaii a few years ago, they dropped a microphone into the water, and we listened to whale song.  Really.  There have been very few moments of absolute, pure, life-changing joy in my life, but that was one of them. 
  3. Favorite Number:  Seven–mystical, magical, seven.
  4. Favorite Drink:  Coffee.  I need it.  I love it.  When I take that first sip in the morning, my mind always conjures up Renfield from Dracula screaming “The blood is the life! The blood is the life!”
  5. Facebook or Twitter:  Facebook–Twitter just seems a little too random or something–I can’t explain.  I guess there’s something to be said for being concise, but yeesh!
  6. Your Passion:  I don’t know.  How sad is that?  I could say my passion is my family, but that’s kind of corny.  I really, really love reading, and if anything qualifies, I think that does.
  7. Giving or receiving presents:   Giving.  I love giving things to people, not just at Christmas, either.  I don’t really care about getting gifts, because most of the time if I want something I just go and buy it.
  8. Favorite Day:  I’m sure this will sound strange, but it’s Monday.  Yep.  I love my routine, and I get back into my routine on Monday.  People go back to work and school, and The Grandmother goes bowling.  It’s so quiet around here and I can tidy up the house.  Monday’s aren’t so bad.
  9. Favorite Flower:  I love wildflowers–especially blue or purple, and not pink.  I like lilacs, sunflowers, and hollyhocks as well.  Really, all flowers are cool.

Now here are the blogs that I think are worthy of this award, even though they may not always be sarcastic like me, they do bring some sunshine into my life.  I hope you will read them and enjoy them as much as I do.  Thanks again to Rachel at Lala Musings!

  • nouns and violets:  A beautifully written blog by a beautiful person–seldom sarcastic but always funny, bright, and truthful.
  • Do Sweat the Small Stuff:  Everything is a big deal, and everything is worth reading.  Always one of my favorites–I am a devoted follower.
  • Poop on a Hot Tin Slide:  With a title like that, I don’t know what else to say.  She’s a mom dealing with OCD the only way she can–with humor, sarcasm, and LOTS of Purell.
  • If Only She Had Applied Herself:  I found this one because the title of the blog rang so true to my own life!  A hysterical look at every day life as a mom and wife.
  • Snarky in the Suburbs:  I don’t think she cares much about awards and the like, but her blog is in a league of its own.  She is a sarcasm goddess.  Read it.  You will laugh.
  • Highly Irritable:  A very recent find that I’ve been enjoying.  I’ve been going back through the archives and having lots of good laughs, but it is also VERY beautifully written–the latest post almost made me cry!
  • Misadventures in Motherhood:  Another very funny blog that I highly recommend.  If you have kids, her posts will have you nodding along and laughing ruefully.

And that’s it for now.  There are tons more I could recommend to you, but this will have to do for now.  Read them!  The UNIVERSE commands it!  Also, if you fail to read them, you will have horrible luck for the next fifteen years, your gravy will be lumpy, your butt will spread out, and your sheets will always have static cling. 



Friday Follower

A Daft Scots Lass

Check out A Daft Scots Lass–I’m featured over there today! Don’t you wish you could be this cool!  Thanks to the Daft Lass for featuring me!

The Versatile Blogger Award

   Cool–I won an award. I never win anything. Really. I know this a way for us to connect with new blogs, but that’s ok. I’ll take it.

     Thanks to Kelli from The Unexpected Education for passing along this award. This is a wonderful blog about a homeschool mom who is learning as much (if not more!) than her little student. I homeschool my own son and know exactly what this is about!  It’s insightful and well-written. I highly recommend giving it a read whether you homeschool or not.

     Here are the rules for accepting the award:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

  • Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to their site in your original post.
  • Tell us seven things about yourself.
  • Pass along the award to fifteen newly discovered bloggers.
  • Contact these bloggers and let them know they got this award.

Seven things about me that you may not (want to) know.

  1. I have an irrational fear of spiders. Even the little ones.
  2. I am also afraid of the dark.
  3. If ever a religion is born which worships Stephen King, I WILL convert.
  4. My music taste is VERY eclectic. For example, I love Led Zeppelin, Lady Gaga, and Eminem, just to name a few.
  5. I love paranormal TV shows, like Ghost Hunters, Destination Truth, and MonsterQuest.
  6. I am a chronic insomniac.
  7. It would give me untold personal pleasure to hit Nancy Grace right on the nose. Really, really hard. Maybe I could pop her eyes back in.

And now I will pass along the award to 15 deserving blogs:

  1. Nouns and Violets. This is my beautiful cousin Melissa who inspired me to start a blog in the first place, and who always write with meaning and beauty. Also, she introduced me to e.e. cummings many, many years ago.
  2. Frantic Mommy. A hysterical blog about mommy-hood in the North.
  3. The Homespun Life. A very informative homeschool blog that I enjoy.
  4. Peanut Butter and Hopey. A great blog about life in general. I am a recent follower and I like it a lot so far.
  5. Are We There Yet? Another great blog about homeschooling and home life.
  6. dsgnmomonline. A great blog for busy parents.
  7. Our Banana Moments. A wonderful family blog that I think you will enjoy.
  8. Moms In Venting. A very funny blog that allows moms to admit that they are people too.
  9. The SAHM Confessions. Another funny blog about mommyhood. I love humorous blogs, and this does not disappoint.
  10. Unionvale Homeschool. Yes, I like homeschool blogs. Plus, she raises boys. What can I say? It’s a good blog.
  11. Do Sweat the Small Stuff. I love this blog. Very straight to the point and very funny.
  12. Barefoot Mommies. Giveaways, reviews, all kinds of great stuff! Check it out!
  13. Barefoot in Portland. A beautifully designed blog full of great information.
  14. The How To Mommy. Tons of great information for mommies!
  15. The Sleppery Mind. Funny, packed with info, giveaways and more!

To Read or Not to Read?

There are a couple of reasons you might want to start following this blog.

  • I try very hard to always be honest when I write.  The way I figure it, that’s sort of the point.
  • There might actually be some things in here that you can relate to.  I’m a mom–both to a special needs and a “regular” kid–a wife, a sister, daughter, granddaughter and friend.

There are also some reasons you may not want to follow this blog.

  • The censors from my brain to my mouth are almost completely down. The ones between my brain and fingers are only slightly better.  I have a tendency to say (or write) whatever pops into my mind.
  • I am not a hopeless romantic, and tend to be rather dry, bitter, and cynical about certain issues, even issues that directly concern my own life.

Anyway, mostly I think this will be a learning experience for me, and my hope, as I go along, is that maybe someone else besides myself can learn from my mistakes. This blog is about me being a mom, and a wife, and a sister, and a caretaker, but it’s not only about those things.  It’s about life in general, and I guess we all have that in common, don’t we?

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