Why I’m Pro-Life (Put Away Your Labels)

Posted on January 24, 2013 by Janice

I’m getting ready to break one of my own blogging rules. I’m going to talk about one of the three forbidden (by me, anyway) topics. I feel like maybe I should put some sort of disclaimer on here, but the fact is I believe wholeheartedly the things I’m getting ready to say, and I’m not going to start by offering conditions or exceptions to keep from offending someone.

I’m going to talk about abortion, and why I am against it.

Now, one of the reasons I don’t like talking about abortion is that it’s a very frustrating subject to talk about. Why? Because as soon as I said I was against abortion, BAM!, many of you slapped a label on me. You immediately assumed many things about me that, in reality, may or may not be true. You probably assumed that because I am against abortion, you know how I feel and think about everything. You probably called me a conservative, and you probably accused me of being in a “war on women.”

Let me start by saying I absolutely am NOT in a war on ANYBODY, and especially not women. I am, in fact, a woman myself. (Who knew, right?) I love women’s rights. I believe in equal pay for equal work, equal educational opportunities, whatever. In fact, I truly believe that ALL people should have equal opportunities, just like those PC disclaimers say on job applications. You know, “regardless of gender, race, religion,” etc. I consider myself a very open-minded person, but sometimes I think you SHOULDN’T be open-minded. In fact, when you know something is wrong, it’s okay to be close-minded. I can be open-minded about having equal rights, because having equal rights is not wrong.

What I don’t understand is why we, as a culture, think that a woman having equal rights means she has the “right” to have an abortion.

There is really only one major reason I oppose abortion, but I’ll get to that in a minute. For now, I’ll give you the minor reasons. For starters, if you believe in God, can you honestly say He would support abortion? This usually brings up the argument of when life begins, and therein lies one of my biggest complaints about the pro-choice argument. Consider the following: if I was 26 weeks pregnant, and my baby died of natural causes, it would be a family tragedy. The baby would be delivered with the utmost reverence and sensitivity. There would be a funeral, and for the rest of my life I would speak of my deceased child.

Now, let’s look at this scenario in a different way. Let’s say I decided to have an abortion at 26 weeks. The baby would be aborted, and tossed out like a ball of used paper. That’s it. It’s over.

So it logically follows that, based on this example, it is the choice of the mother which decides whether the baby is, in fact, a living human or not. This is quite a power given to mothers! In fact, we are almost deifying women, because ultimately they are deciding if this baby is worthy of life or not! I can’t go along with this. It makes no sense. We can’t have it both ways. Be honest with yourself. Is it a baby or not?

Another example for you to consider: if someone kills a pregnant woman, and the baby dies, too, our judicial system will charge the killer with TWO counts of murder.

This is why the pro-choice movement is lost on me.

Every single pro-choice person I have ever spoken to is so versed in political bullshit that it is frightening. They start in on how it is impossible to legislate, and how pregnant women would have to register their pregnancies or some kind of crap like that. They want to argue with you about contraception and sex education. Smoke and mirrors, people. That’s all. Abortion is not a political issue. It is a moral one.

And there is another problem. People say you can’t impose your morals on others. Okay. Let’s talk about that. What is ANY law but the imposition of the morals of others on the citizenry at large? Marijuana is illegal, right? It’s illegal to smoke it, grow it, and sell it. However, there is a whole population of people who feel like this is ridiculous. It’s my body–if I want to light one up, why is that anyone’s business? Right? The only difference is that the “legalize it” group doesn’t really have time to organize big demonstrations or anything. They are all at the 7-11 buying pop-tarts.

But I digress.

My point was we all live by laws that are based on a certain moral code. We all know you shouldn’t kill others, or cause them harm in any way. So how can we exempt our most innocent from this basic right? Don’t believe in God? Fine. Forget the “moral” aspect of it. Let’s talk science. A woman’s body, from top to bottom and all the way around, is designed for one purpose–to conceive, give birth to, and subsequently nurture offspring. Sorry if that upsets you. Blame millions of years of evolution. Or God. Or whatever force to which you attribute creation. We are the only species who systematically destroys our own young as a matter of convenience. The survival of any species hangs on the raising of its offspring. Didn’t any of you ever watch “Wild Kingdom?”

By the way, please, please PLEASE don’t insult my intelligence or yours by saying “What about rape and incest?” Look up the statistics of abortion and tell me what percentage of abortions are performed for those reasons. Let me know what you find out.

Also, I’m not going to address people who think it’s okay for a woman to get an abortion because she finds out she is carrying a “defective” baby. I have no use for this argument, and if someone believes this, I don’t want to talk to them, I don’t want to see them, and hopefully they won’t ever bother reading this blog again.

To make this a little shorter, I think we are on a dangerous, slippery slope. We think we are qualified to choose who gets to live and who gets to die. And what’s worse, we have allowed ourselves to be numbed to the horror of abortion by years of political language and media distraction. We are inoculated against reality by phrases like “reproductive choice” and “the war on women.” The truth, though, is that abortion is ugly. It’s barbaric. Look up partial birth abortions, which are perfectly legal in this country. They aren’t common, it’s true, but they are still legal. I won’t put the graphic pictures on here that show what abortion looks like. It makes people angry, and disgusted. It’s upsetting.

As it should be.

So here it is, after everything else I’ve said, the real reason I’m against abortion: it is murder. Period. Life begins at conception. If not, when does it begin? At birth? Well, then we go back to that previous scenario I described. And since I believe life begins at conception, I have to believe that the purposeful and willful stopping of that life is murder. That is the most basic definition of what murder is–the destruction of life.

Don’t kid yourself. The 55 million babies that have been aborted since Roe versus Wade were alive. Way back in the beginning of my first pregnancy, I remember laying on the little table and listening to that thumpathumpathumpathumpathumpa that was my son’s heartbeat. Make no mistake–that was my son in there. The same one who is sitting over on the couch now, eating lunch. The one with the coarse, curly hair and the gap between his front teeth. That was him. And if I had “chosen” not to have him, if I had “chosen” to get an abortion, it would have been no different than if I pointed a gun at his head right now and pulled the trigger.

Look at your own child–it’s the same. Your spouse, partner, best friend, mom, dad–all of them, they all started just the same.

To those of you who don’t support abortion, but who feel like you shouldn’t tell others what to do, I would offer you this quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., from his Letter from Birmingham Jail:

“Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.”

And this one:

“More and more I feel that people of ill will have used time much more effectively than have the people of good will.”

For me, it all boils down to one thing. Thirty six years ago, my mother was pregnant. She was fifteen when she found out. Abortion was legal. She could have done that. She could have finished school, went on to who knows what. Instead, she quit school and got married. She ended up divorced. But still, she chose life. She chose me. That’s not all–the notion that our choices affect only us is self-centered and absurd. Her choice has trickled down through the years, right up to this very moment.

I’m so glad the choice she made was the right one.

********I welcome and enjoy discussion and even debate. But to all you trolls and antagonists, don’t waste your time and mine.

Dog Days

Posted on December 31, 2012 by Janice

First of all, allow me to warn you that this is not so much a blog post as a public service announcement. What can I say? I live to help others.

I got a new puppy a couple of months back. Living with The Grandparents as I did for almost ten years, it wasn’t really appropriate for me to get a larger dog and bring into their house. I already had (and still have) a small, old dog. So I didn’t want to push my luck. Anyway, my point was, as soon as we moved into our own place, I got a puppy. His name is Jack.

This post isn’t about him, though. It’s about dogs in general.

I love dogs. I am a dog person, for sure. Always have been. I’m not an overly demonstrative person, but I get very attached to my canine companions. Also, I try to do what’s right for them. I always try to make sure they have the proper activities and vet care and such. Following this same train of thought (if you can) I take Jack for a walk every day around the neighborhood. We do a couple of miles every day.

Allow me a brief digression. We are Cesar Millan disciples around here. We believe and practice his methods to the very best of our ability. I walk Jack because he needs daily exercise to keep him calm and easy going. He hasn’t chewed up the first thing in my house, he is housebroken, and although we are still working on properly greeting people at the door, he is overall fairly relaxed. Hail Cesar!

Back to my original point (which I hadn’t made yet). When I walk Jack, I carry a stick, pepper spray, and a pellet pistol. Why?

Because of the dogs.

At The Grandmother’s house, there were almost never any loose dogs. I think the main reason was that the main highway went right in front of the house, and that’s not the best environment for a wandering dog.

Here, though, is a one lane country road, and there are lots of dogs. Loose dogs.

We can’t really walk in one direction of our loop road, because there’s about ten dogs running around up there. The other direction of the loop goes just a few dozen yards then runs into the main highway, so forget that. So, naturally, we walk out the one lane road that follows the creek up the hollow for a couple of miles. It’s a lovely walk.

Except for the dogs.

It’s very frustrating. None of my family will walk with me because of the loose dogs that stalk you as you walk. My husband will, but he doesn’t get in until almost dark, and if you’ve read my posts in the past, you know I don’t do dark. So anyway, I’m on my own. My son will go sometimes, and he tries not to be nervous about it, but I know he is. There is one dog in particular who is very aggressive, and my son and Jack sort of cower behind me while I stand her down. Everyone tells me she is just a “teddy bear,” and I’ve seen her being friendly with her owners and with one of her neighbors, and I’ve even tried talking to her and getting her to calm down and come on over and have a sniff, but she’s not having it. Some days she just stands on the porch and barks, but she has actually charged us across the road, and once I even had to poke her with my stick because she got too close. I’m not afraid of dogs, but she is a very big dog, and I sure as hell don’t want to have to get into it with her.

Luckily, I’m a bigger bitch even than she. (I thought I’d say it before you did.)

There are other dogs on our walk, but mostly they just bark. Barking doesn’t bother me. I think most people out in the country have their dogs because they want to be alerted when things are amiss. Fine. But at some point, you have to take responsibility for your pet. I know of local neighborhoods where people have actually been bitten, and kids had to stop riding their bikes on certain public roads because of loose dogs.

Then here’s when it gets ugly–something bad happens, and a dog turns up missing or gets shot. I can’t stand that. I’m not sure under what circumstances I could ever shoot a dog. I love dogs, remember? But then I start thinking. My daughter has this really cool tricycle that she absolutely loves to ride, and I’ve been so excited for her to ride it this summer. The walk out our creek here is reasonably flat, and she could go pretty well.

But what if my nemesis charges my little disabled daughter on her little bike as she rides by? Evelyn is afraid of strange big dogs, and I don’t know how she would react if one came snarling and barking at her. I don’t know how I would react.

I know how my husband says he’s going to react.

Then there’s trouble. You put up with crap and put up with it, then when you finally do something, you’re the dirty dog (pun absolutely intended.) As an example, The Grandparents have these neighbors who used to keep three Siberian Huskies in an eight by ten cage. They never took them out, ever. They dumped the food and water over the top of the cage. The water bowl looked like a frog pond. The mountain of dog shit was literally three feet high, and that is not an exaggeration. The smell was horrific. On humid evenings, you couldn’t even tolerate sitting on the back porch at The Grandparent’s because of the stench. So, finally, The Grandmother called the humane society, and they came and took the one remaining dog (the other two had died.)

Can you guess what happened? The neighbors told everyone what awful people The Grandparents were, and how they had picked on them, blah blah blah. The worst part was that everyone in the neighborhood had complained about it for years, but no one would dare do anything. Then, to top it off, the owners just knocked down Mount Turdious, paid a fine, and then brought the dog right back and put him right back in there again!

The point of my story is that, no matter what, I’m going to end up as the bad guy here. There is no happy ending. Something bad will have to happen, then more bad things will happen. Just a cycle of badness. I want to be friends with all of my neighbors. I don’t even care if their dog come around here. A neighbor up on the hill has an extremely fat yellow lab that waddles around sometimes and says hello. She’s a panting, whole-butt-wagging type of dog. But I also had to chase away two black dogs the other day, because one of them charged at my dad while he was here visiting. What do you do? What’s the answer?

There is no answer. Just the cycle of badness.

Social Isolation

Posted on December 29, 2012 by Janice

A terrible thing is happening.

I’m falling out of love with Facebook.

I think this must be how a heroin addict feels. You hate heroin, but you love it. You never want to see it again, but you can’t live without it.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I couldn’t live without social media, or, more specifically, Facebook. And yet, it holds me.

It holds me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about social media in general lately, and it’s really sort of a sad testament to our culture that our main form of communication occurs without ever having to actually see or talk to anyone. Even family. I’m just as guilty. In all seriousness, probably 90% of my contact with friends and family that I stay in touch with is via social media. So, here’s the question: is that a bad thing?

Maybe it is.

I wonder if we are becoming a people who has zero social interaction skills. How ironic that Facebook (and Twitter, and whatever) is called “social” media. Maybe it should be called anti-social media. We can allegedly fulfill our familial and friendship obligations without ever leaving our reclining chairs (which is, incidentally, where I am sitting right now.) We don’t ever have to send a thank you note, write a letter, or, God forbid, talk to someone.

What’s worse, when you actually do talk to someone, I think the lack of social interaction is showing. No one looks anyone in the eye anymore. Usually that’s because they are busy checking Facebook on their smart phones. Texting also fits into this category–again, you don’t actually have to talk to anyone. I guess if it wasn’t for politicians and Baptist ministers, talking would go out of fashion altogether.

Even though I just made a lot of compelling points about why social media is going to be the downfall of modern society (I didn’t really make any compelling points, but who cares), the real reason I am falling out of love with Facebook is because it is making me hate people again.

I hated people before, you know. Long ago. I was a bitter, hateful youth. Then I sort of mellowed out. Well, a little, anyway. I can usually ignore people who really annoy me. But with Facebook, I can’t ignore them. It’s like I’m drawn to the annoying-ness, then I get some sort of pleasure complaining about it. How sick is that?! No–how sad is that?

So now I’m starting to hate people again, and I’m afraid I’m not alone. So you see, this is yet another way our social media is isolating us from each other. Not only is it making me indifferent, it’s making me want to actively hurt people in the face.

I mean, seriously. Don’t you get that? Don’t you read some of the statuses and just want to die? Or kill someone? You know what I mean–the ones that go on about how wonderful their lives are. “I woke up in my satin sheets this morning in my mansion and went for a walk around our private island, and some sand got in my nose, and when I sneezed, dimes flew out! How wonderful! Then the kids went and built houses for poor people and then we went and all bought complete new wardrobes for the week! We are so blessed!”

Yeah.

Or it’s the opposite–you know, the ones who are always on the verge of death. But still, they are blessed.

And then there are the ones who feel compelled to share every single detail of their personal lives. Take my word for this, folks–no one cares about the color of your BM. Really. And some of the stuff you are sharing shouldn’t be shared. In the old days, if you wanted to find out about people’s dirty laundry, you had to rely on gossiping, or Jerry Springer. Now, just turn on the computer.

I’m starting to think maybe I’m the problem. Maybe someone with my personality defects shouldn’t be exposed to others. Maybe it’s better if I just sit in the house and avoid social interaction of any kind.

Except Facebook, of course.

I can’t give that up.

The Blame Game

Posted on December 19, 2012 by Janice

You may or may not have noticed, but I tend to wait a little while before talking about things that happen in our society. This isn’t because I’m a procrastinator (I am) or because I don’t like writing about things like this (I don’t), but just because I like to wait awhile. It gives me time to try to think objectively about things, and digest the stories and reports that spawn out of tragedies. Mostly, it lets me write a little more calmly.

The shooting at Sandy Hook in Connecticut happened a little less than a week ago. I won’t rehash the whole thing. You know all about it.

The blame started almost immediately, and it’s still going strong.

Some of the blame is obvious. The guy who went in there and shot all those babies is to blame. That’s an easy one.

But it isn’t all so easy.

Almost as soon as the story broke, the gun debate started. My first reaction to the gun debate was disgust. If you want to know part of what’s wrong with our society, consider the fact that when a news story broke that twenty babies were laying dead in their elementary school from multiple gunshot wounds, the first response of many was to promote their political cause. It wasn’t just the gun nuts or the gun haters–it was both. It was the Christians and the non-Christians. They all sat back and looked down their noses and wagged their heads just like the guys walking past Jesus on the Cross. They gave their respective reasons as to why this happened and how if their respective ideas had been followed all along, this wouldn’t have happened.

They make it sound so easy.

Here’s the thing–it isn’t easy. How I wish that there was some sort of concrete answer as to why this happened, how it could have been prevented, and how it could be prevented from ever happening again. But the answer isn’t in black and white. Here are a few of the things I’ve heard from many sources, and my problems with them.

Ban assault weapons: Well, okay. In all honesty, I’ve never really understood why anyone needs a semi-automatic rifle. Also, I totally see the point about how quickly they can fire and how difficult and dangerous this makes the situation for law enforcement to fight back. But at the same time, if you look at it statistically, how many people own these weapons, and how many are used in mass murders? It’s a microscopic percentage. Is that really the problem?
Ban all guns: This one makes me kind of sad. People like to talk about the second amendment, which gives us the right to bear arms and form a militia to protect ourselves from an oppressive government. Like most good ideas in this culture, we take it, rape it, beat it till it’s bloody, then hang it in the town square for all to see. We stretch the boundaries until the original spirit of the idea is long gone. I feel this way about our right to bear arms. We are never satisfied. Having said that, I am also a gun owner. I have a hidden handgun, and quite frankly, I am not comfortable giving it up. I’m not sure how that fits in to everything I just said, but it’s just the truth.
Give the teachers a gun: This one bugs me. I really can’t look at this one objectively, because I think it’s ridiculous. I know a lot of teachers, and not one of them would be willing to carry a gun in their school. If nothing else, think of the liability! They aren’t cops. Someone mentioned the principal having a gun. Well, fine. But here’s a little dose of reality for you. Real life is not like in the movies, when the citizen shoots the bad guy right between the eyes on the first shot and saves the day. Can you imagine, as an ordinary, non-gun-toting citizen, being in an OK Corral style shootout in a school building?! As a parent, I just don’t know about this. It’s not that I think the teacher would do something bad, but the fact is they are teachers, not cops.
Have a cop or security person at each school: Lots of places do this already. While I think it doesn’t hurt, when a person comes to do the kind of damage this guy in Connecticut did, I’m not sure what would happen. I like to think it would have made a difference, but I don’t know.
Bullet-proof glass: I don’t mind this one so much. He shot his way in because they wouldn’t buzz him in. Bullet-proof glass would have prevented that. But I don’t know much about bullet-proof glass–can it be compromised? Could he have, say, driven his car through the wall to get through? I just don’t know.
Bring back the death penalty/hanging/torture/an eye for an eye, etc.: This one is especially sad. A man goes into a situation with the full intent of ending his rampage by blowing his own brains out–do you really think the death penalty scares him?

I guess my point is just that I don’t know what you can do if someone is determined enough to do something terrible like this. I don’t know how it can be prevented. Even with mental health care revisions, it isn’t fool-proof.

You can argue about God, and how we’ve turned out backs on him, and this is what happens. You can say evil is loose in the world. But here’s a news flash for you–evil has always been loose in the world. As humans, we are set apart from all other living things on Earth by our intellect, and our free will. This gives us the capacity for great goodness.

It also gives us the capacity for great evil.

So, whose fault is it? I would say it’s mine. And yours. And our parents. And our grandparents……..back and back and back forever. So how do we fix it? I don’t know.

I don’t know.

Mainstream Consequences

Posted on December 7, 2012 by Janice

Have a look at this recent story on Nightline. Even if you’ve already seen it, watch it again. Please.

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Since you hopefully just watched that, I won’t waste our time by going over all of it. But I will recap. Concerns are arising over some of the disciplinary measures being taken in public schools when dealing with kids who have various behavioral problems, usually kids on the Autism Spectrum. The word “barbaric” gets used a few times, as you might have noticed.

As I was watching this, I was shocked. And since I try to always be as honest with you as possible, I’ll tell you something else: nothing good could come from a teacher, or anyone else, using those methods on my daughter. If someone shocked her as a punishment, I would have no choice but to do the whole Terminator thing and drive my f****** van right through the front of the school. That’s all. Ditto on tying her to a table.

I try very, very hard to be an open minded person. I know how difficult it can be to deal with behavior problems. I know how impossible it can be to control these kids. Some of them are big kids. They try to hurt others, and they try to hurt themselves. Even Evelyn, limited though she is, can really kick up hell when she wants to. I know sometimes the only way to deal with her is just to not deal with her, if you follow. She has to just sort of let it out, and I know the more I try to intervene, the worse it makes her. You know how, when you are trying not to cry, and someone pats you or talks to you in a soothing voice, it makes you cry even more? Same thing.

Anyway, as I said, I am trying to understand the thinking behind these extreme measures, and I always treat everything reported by the media with great suspicion. I know a story can be twisted in many ways, and I know that we don’t know the back stories to these situations.

But they shocked that kid. They shocked him.

I’ll tell you another one that got me: when the man was holding the little boy, and the boy’s mother was trying to get the man to let the boy go. Ha, ha. The man would have let my child go. Oh yes. Don’t get me wrong–I’m not one of those people who think I can whip everyone’s ass. Far from it. I’m getting older and squishy and I’m getting arthritis in my fingers. If I punched someone it would probably hurt me more than them. But make no mistake–I’m not pushover, either. I would get my child out of the arms of anyone restraining her against our will, or die in the attempt.

So, what is my point? Good question. After my initial emotional response passes, I don’t think those people using those methods are intending to be barbarians. It seems to me like they are uneducated and inexperienced. They lack the knowledge, patience, and understanding required to deal with these kids. Did you see the other school? The Centennial School? The one with all the kids with behavior problems? Did you see how good the teachers were at dealing with the kids, and how caring and informed the administrator was? If you missed it, watch the video again. Pay attention.

Has anyone caught up with me yet?

Want to know how we go to this situation? Want to know how things got this far out of control?

Mainstreaming.

They even mentioned it in the video, though they never addressed it directly. But it’s there. I’ve talked about this before, but I think it bears repeating. Let me make it as clear as I can: this is the kind of shit that happens when you put special needs kids in a “regular” education environment! Regular ed teachers cannot provide the attention needed for a special ed kid and the other fifty kids they have to teach to take tests. It’s not possible, and I don’t care how fabulous the teacher is.

You know what it is? It’s babysitting. That’s all it is. Glorified, really expensive baby sitting. A bunch of politically correct bullshit that makes everyone feel “good” that these kids aren’t being segregated or made to feel different.

Here’s a frickin’ news flash, which I have flashed previously: they ARE different! All of the wishing in the world won’t change it. I can put Evelyn in the regular ed classroom until the end of time, and she still won’t be a regular ed student. What could she possibly get out of a regular ed classroom?

From what I can tell, about 60 volts. Or maybe tied to a table.

I find it amazing that my own state of West Virginia is among the seventeen that have laws in place to protect children from this type of extreme discipline. Maybe there is hope for us after all. Otherwise, there are no federal guidelines. I guess it’s a sort of “anything goes” type situation.

But the bottom line is this: it will only get worse. The increase in behavioral disorders is astronomical. Where do we go? What do we do? I don’t know the answers to those questions, and I don’t pretend to, but I do know one thing. The answers will not be found inside a mainstream classroom.

And remember, if you hear a news story about some parent parking her van in the principle’s office, send me a prayer.

My Tongue Hurts

Posted on November 28, 2012 by Janice

You know, because I bite it a lot.

I’m a very opinionated person. This is not a shocking secret by any means. In fact, many people who know me have made the comment that I just say whatever pops into my mind.

Not true.

If I said everything that popped into my mind, I’d be a lonely gal. No friends, ostracized family–you get the picture.

When I was younger, I had the narcissistic notion that everyone needed to hear my opinion. I don’t know what it is–is it arrogance? I don’t consider myself an arrogant person, but for some reason, it seems to fit. No matter what subject came up, I had to express my opinion. Politics, religion, local issues, family problems, you name it.

Times have changed, and so have I.

Now, let’s not get carried away. I am still a very opinionated person. Like I’ve said before, I have strong opinions about almost everything. Some things I will still climb up on my soapbox for–education, for example. I use this blog to vent a lot of my opinions, so they don’t back up on me and cause some sort of emotion explosion.

But here’s the thing–even though I am entitled to my opinions, just like you are, that doesn’t give me license to dump them on any one, any time. I’m not a profound person. The most profound thought I’m likely to come up with will probably have something to do with laundry. But my son and I were having a conversation the other day, and out of the blue I made the following statement: “People are more concerned about being right than doing right.” My son said, “Wow, deep thought, Mom.”

And it was. It is.

We love to share our opinion. Our whole society is based on the freedom of speech, and I love freedom of speech. But that doesn’t give us the right to trample others. Sometimes, you sit there, and someone is talking about something, and all you can think is, “What an idiot!” Why can’t it stop there? Fine, you don’t agree with them, and you might even think they are totally ignorant for thinking the way they do, but is it worth it to argue with them? What are you going to gain? What is it worth to you just to express your opinion? If you are in front of Congress, fine, but is arguing with your mom or dad or your friends really going to make a difference?

It’s easy to get on a soap box. Trust me, I know. It’s easy to tell people your opinion. It’s not so easy to shut up and put up. If I think education needs reformed, then instead of putting it on this blog, or posting passive/aggressive Facebook rants, I should do something about it. Go to board meetings, write letters, whatever. That’s just one example. I don’t know what it is that is important to you, but why not become an activist instead of a publicist? Try living your opinions–that’s the best to show people what they are. And when you are faced with the idiot that tries to get you to argue?

Gargling with salt water will help that sore tongue.

Equal, but Different, Part 2 (Finally!)

Posted on July 18, 2012 by Janice

I’ll just jump straight into it, shall I?

When you start talking about what a woman should and shouldn’t do, and Feminism, and Equality, you’d better be ready to make some people mad.

I’m ready.

This post is not about what I’ve read or what science or statistics tell us. It’s about what I’ve observed during the course of my life, and what I believe. I already told you what some statistics suggest and what the various arguments are. I’ve had some wonderful comments, all of which were honest and adult, and all made excellent points.

First, I’ll start by saying that I think equality is very important. If I decided to go become, say, a college professor, then if my experience and qualifications are equal to my male counterparts, I should get paid equally. We should be treated equally. This seems like common sense to me. Equal pay for equal work and all of that.

Here’s the thing–equality is great, but just because you can do something, doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do something. I could go to work tomorrow if I wanted to. But I don’t. I want to stay home and take care of my family. Why? Because–gasp!–I think that is my job.

I said it.

I am a woman. I don’t think my husband is better than me, but we are different, and I don’t just mean in all of the obvious ways. Some of the comments suggested that they didn’t want to go back to the little wifey being tethered to the house, but it’s not about that. It’s about responsibility. When I elected to become pregnant and have babies, it became my responsibility to take care of those babies. I’m sure someone will say they have ten kids and all ten are by different daddies and they were all raised in daycare and now they are all attending Ivy League schools. Great. But the truth is that no one can take care of my kids the way I do.

No one.

Every time I go to the store, I see some little old lady with a little kid. When Evelyn had her last 24 hour EEG, there was a three-year-old little boy having one in the next room, and it was his grandmother who stayed with him. Now, I don’t know what the situation might have been, and I guess I’m passing judgement, but the fact remains that if I hadn’t been able to stay with my daughter during that test, well, the test would have been rescheduled until I could have.

I know some people need that second income, but let’s be honest–sometimes it’s to maintain a lifestyle, not to provide necessities. And sometimes, it’s just because a woman couldn’t imagine being “tethered” to the home.

That’s what pisses me off the most–the fact that somehow working women are more impressive than me. They are juggling a career and a family. But sometimes, I think they are dropping the ball.

Even as a wife, I find myself in support of a more traditional role. I do most of the cooking and cleaning and laundry. My husband is a wonderful partner, and all of my teasing is just that–teasing. He is a wonderful father who has never turned up his nose at a poopy diaper or a vomiting child. He is an excellent cook, and he enjoys cooking from time to time. We are a team, and I couldn’t function without him. But ultimately, he’s the provider and I’m the stay at home mom. And I like it like that. Know what? I’m better at being the wife and mom, because for whatever reason you want to believe–divine design, evolution, whatever–women are made for that role. It fits. I feel very comfortable and safe with my husband. It’s silly, but I feel like nothing bad can happen when he’s with us.

For some reason, the family seems to be under attack in our society. It’s no big deal to get a divorce if things get tough. It’s perfectly acceptable, even desirable, to have sex with as many people as possible, with no attachments or responsibilities. If you wait to have sex until you get married, people make fun of you. Women are constantly lamenting that there are “no good men” to find, but I wonder if they ever stop and realize why. I would love to know their definition of a good man–it seems like it might be a man with no opinion of his own that cleans, cooks, and expects absolutely nothing in return. Conversely, I think men are so disillusioned that they want a hot little woman who also has no opinion and waits on them hand and foot and has sex whenever he wants with no physical expectations of her own. It’s not so hard to figure out why half of all marriages end in divorce, is it?

(There is a whole other topic here, about how in our modern society we are raised to be always right, and how we cannot bend even a little, and so all of our relationships tank. I’ll just skate on past that for now.)

I see husbands and wives who not only don’t get along, they seem to actually hate each other. The way they talk to and about each other is mind-boggling.

Then there is this whole other topic of teen pregnancy. I live in an area where this is a huge problem, and it was even when I was in high school a hundred years ago. Scroll back up and read about granny taking care of the babies–that’s generally what happens.

I’m not even going to touch on the pressure that is on women to look a certain way. I wonder what modern Feminists think about that?

This has been quite rambling, and I’m sorry. Here’s the heart of it all–modern women are supposedly enlightened, empowered, and ready to take over the world. The crux? Just about every modern woman I know is unhappy.

Out of all the women I know, I would say 95% of them take some sort of mood stabilizing drug. That’s a conservative estimate. Many are unhappy with their relationships, they can’t control their kids, they’ve been divorced, they hate their jobs, they are totally unsatisfied with the way they look–the list goes on forever. So if we are so empowered, why are we so unhappy? You’ll have to figure that out for yourself.

I’m not going to kid you–sometimes I get unhappy, too. I have a naturally dark, moody type of personality. I always have. But the things I worry about are different. I worry about my kids, and if they are going to be okay. I worry that I won’t be able to protect them forever. Some people might think I’m overprotective, and that I hover over my kids. An acquaintance of mine made the comment during a soccer game a couple of months ago that I was a little overprotective. I bit my tongue and just smiled, but what I wanted to tell her was that I thought she was little too permissive, and that I wasn’t comfortable dumping my kids off somewhere and then heading in the opposite direction as fast as I could go. But I digress.

So–long, long story a little shorter, I do think women are selling themselves short by trying to do everything. I think it’s okay for a woman to stay at home and take care of her home and her family, and she should be able to do that without feeling bad about it, or feeling unimportant. I think it’s okay to embrace being a woman. I don’t want to do everything that a man does. I think my job is just as valuable, maybe more so. I’m better at it. Sure, it’s hard sometimes, but that’s okay–I was made for it.

What about you?

Equal, but Different (Part 1)

Posted on June 25, 2012 by Janice

I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately.

Hold on now–don’t go all million moms on me or anything.

I meant I’ve been thinking about gender. Mostly, the differences between men and women (besides the obvious.)

So I’ve been reading and thinking–a dangerous combination for me–and to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about the things I’ve read.

Basically, I’ve been presented with the idea that feminism is a big contributor to the somewhat depressing state of our society today. Now, that statement needs some clarification and some qualification. I shouldn’t have written “feminism.” I should have written, “Feminism.” Like, Gloria Steinem Feminism.

The aforementioned state of our society is that kids are raised by grandparents, aunts, uncles, whoever, because mom got pregnant when she was fifteen. Teen Dad has no responsibility at all. Everyone gets divorced, more than once sometimes. In short, “the family” is in shambles. Lots of kids are so ill-behaved, you’d like to just pinch their little heads right off.

Before anyone asks me who peed in my Cheerios this morning, let me say I don’t even like Cheerios.

Let’s be honest. Good, old-fashioned morals like respect (including for oneself) are somewhat decreased. I’m sure that every generation has said that about the one after them, but maybe that’s because it’s the truth.

I digress.

My point was about feminism.

As a young person who knew absolutely everything about everything, I can assure you marriage and children weren’t top on my list. I could have a career just like a man. I didn’t need a man to complete me. My own grandmother asked me why I wanted to get married–she said it just meant I’d have someone telling me what to do for the next fifty years. Point taken, Grandmother.

But as time passed and things changed, I began to wonder about my highbrow ideals. I got married, and a few years later my son was born. That was the turning point.

I had a job when I got pregnant, but the thought occurred to me that someone would have to take care of my baby. We talked it over, and I could not tolerate the thought of someone else raising him. We traded our car for a cheaper one, and became a one-income family. It was tight. It was hard.

But it was worth it.

Now, many years later, I’m finally reflecting on my roles as both a mother and a wife.

I’m going to give you a very general summation of the point of my current readings. Because of the feminist movement, gender roles have become blurred. Each gender has double the responsibility and can therefore only do half as well.

Another interesting point is that although feminism was meant to “free” women, it has, in fact, only hurt them. Women have become sexually objectified to the point of complete detachment, and the pressure to look a certain way, do it all and be everything is taking its toll. Although we women are supposedly “free” and “equal,” we are in fact more unhappy than at any time in history.

Men have also supposedly been hurt. Because they can sleep with whoever with no emotional attachment, they have no respect for women. Because the woman works and calls the shots, they have no responsibilities. They have become apathetic and uninvolved. No one is depending on them for anything.

The things I have read (which I am leaving anonymous for now) cite the sky-rocketing divorce rate, more troubled kids and kids diagnosed with ADHD and similar disorders, and more rampant use of antidepressants. All of these things can be attributed, at least in part, to the dissolution of gender roles and family values.

I have found all of these topics extremely interesting, and more than that, I am extremely interested to hear some opinions from my beloved readers. Right now, I’m not going to state my own opinions. I’m saving that for a follow-up post. I just wanted to share these things I’ve read and get some feedback. I have an interesting perspective. I am a child of divorce, I was raised by someone other than my parents, and my mother was a teen mom. Now I’m a stay at home mother and have been in my first and only marriage for fifteen years now. By some standards that may not make our marriage a success yet, but I think we’re on the right road. So I have lots of thoughts about feminism and gender roles.

I can’t wait to hear yours, too. What do you think about our current culture? Gender roles? Feminism? Let it rip!

(not so) Sorry

Posted on June 2, 2012 by Janice

Apologies are funny things.

Remember this guy? This was Jimmy Swaggart’s tearful apology for his prostitute habit. He was so sad. He was so sorry.

Right.

As a result of the mild backlash from her insensitive remarks, Margaret Cho has written a heart-felt apology on her blog. I encourage you to hop on over there and read it, and be sure to read the comments. They make excellent food for thought.

I don’t really care all that much about the apology itself. I mean, I don’t know Cho, she doesn’t know me, and she doesn’t owe me any apology. She can be a jerk if she wants, and I can slam her for it if I want. (Freedom of speech, baby!) The thing that rubs me wrong is how typical this “heart-felt” apology is. Some celebrity is guilty of a fantastic boob, then they issue a sappy, crappy, “oh-I-didn’t-mean-to-hurt-anyone” apology.

Whatever.

I always wonder about apologies. I sometimes ask my son, when he gets in trouble, if he is really sorry for what he did, or if he’s just sorry he got caught. The phrase that comes to mind is “damage control.”

A lot of the comments on Cho’s blog suggest that people are just looking to be offended, and that it isn’t that big of a deal. I guess, from a certain perspective, that right. Ultimately, what a minor celebrity says during a cable television interview isn’t all that important, compared to, say, the President, the Pope, or Stephen King. People say jerky things all the time. The world is consumed by jerkiness. Bygones.

But here’s the thing–Cho promotes herself as a great human rights activist, standing up for minorities of all kinds. More than that, while it may not make any difference about what a person says, it certainly reveals their character, doesn’t it?

Take those comments–a lot of the commentators remarked that it was an “accident,” or that Cho “slipped up.” “Humans make errors.” Hey, you don’t have to tell me that. I’ve made enough mistakes in my time to fill this blog and ten more. You know what though? I have never called anyone a retard. Ever. I’m sure I’ve hurt people along the way, but there are no excuses, and no apologies. Those people can hate me, and rightly so.

And while I’m at it, that whole “accident” and “slip-up” thing really got me thinking. An accident is when you step on someone’s toe, then say, “Oh, I’m sorry!” Or maybe when you back your car into a parking meter. (Just an example.) Those are accidents. You might even “accidentally” hurt someone’s feelings by something you say. I personally am very familiar with the taste of my foot.

However, when you set out to do or say something that you know is going to be hurtful and hateful, well, that’s not an accident. That’s not a slip-up. Cho was giving a little comedy routine right there on live television. She’s promoting her new comedy tour, and she was giving everyone a preview. Part of her repertoire is being crude and pushing the envelope. That’s who she is. No sense in apologizing for it now, I guess.

Don’t get me wrong–I do believe in apologizing when you hurt someone. Here’s the catch–being sorry for something doesn’t fix it. Apologies aren’t a license to do or say anything you want. Everyone would do well to remember that they while they absolutely do have the freedom to say what they want, others also have the freedom to react. People who were Margaret Cho fans before probably still are. I would go so far as to say that a lot of people she offended had never even heard of her until now.

(Can you say, “publicity?”)

One last thing–it is possible to be funny and racy and edgy without tearing others down. You can even poke fun at others without hurting them. There is a line there, and when you cross it, don’t be surprised by the consequences, and screw your apologies.

Oh, and make sure you have a good publicist.

Proud Parent of a “Retard”

Posted on June 1, 2012 by Janice

Usually, I’m one of those people who are sitting at home, shaking their heads ruefully, when I hear about how everyone is mad because some pea-brained celebrity made some inappropriate comment during an interview.

You know what I’m talking about–someone uses a racial slur, or slams homosexuality, and the media feeding frenzy begins. It’s played over and over and over and over and over on every network in the universe. Aliens on the planet Zoobork hear about it. Sometimes, it blows over, and sometimes a career can be shaken. (Remember Imus?)

I always sit around and say how the media makes it worse, let it drop, etc, etc.

Well, I’m a hypocrite, in case any of my regular readers haven’t figured it out, and I’m about to prove it to the tenth degree.

Recently, Margaret Cho, a comedienne, did an interview in which she declared she didn’t “necessarily want to have a retard” baby. She’s older, and I assume she’s talking about the increased risk for birth defects as a woman moves along in her childbearing years.

This comment is possibly one of the stupidest things I have ever heard anyone say, and that, my friends, is saying a lot. I refuse to believe anyone could be this ignorant. She said it with intent–period. Was it for the publicity, or is this really the depth of her mind? Obviously, having a retarded baby is the least of her problems.

I hate that word–retard. I hate it. Hate, hate, hate. Is has a real definition, and until very recently was commonly used in medical circles. But that doesn’t matter–I hate it. People use it, and they sure as hell aren’t using it medically. They use it to imply someone is stupid or ridiculous.

In other words, they think my daughter is stupid and ridiculous.

In other words, Margaret Cho thinks my daughter is stupid and ridiculous.

I wonder if this little slur from this big idiot will get as much negative attention as, say, Imus’ referring to some black women’s basketball players as “nappy-headed ho’s?” I sort of doubt it. I guess the only ripples will be from people like me who have very personal feelings about these retarded babies, kids and adults.

I mean, purely hypothetically, if someone were to write something about Margaret Cho, and they were to use a racial slur, like Slant-eye or Buckethead, why, that would be very offensive, wouldn’t it? Lot’s of people would be offended, and maybe whoever said those things would be dragged over the coals. So of course, you would never want to use those types of racial slurs. If you did, it would all just be in good fun, just a little joke, just pushing the boundaries to prove your edginess, right? No harm done–no need to get upset, right?

In reality, I know I’m supposed to take the high road here, and that comments from such a small mind should just roll right off my back. Oh, but it’s hard. When I sit here and look at my daughter, and I think of how much I love her and how beautiful she is, I just want to snatch that bitch Margaret Cho bald.

Maybe there are lots of people who feel like her. I understand that everyone wants to have a healthy baby, and no one would wish to have a child with any type of problem. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this life, it’s that there are no guarantees, and let me go one step more–I would not trade my retarded daughter for ten “normal” kids. Here’s why:

She lives every day in the moment–no worries about yesterday or tomorrow.
She gets mad, but she gets over it. No grudge holding for her.
She loves who she loves, unconditionally. She has no prejudice, no bias, no preconceived notions about anyone. (If only Margaret Cho could be so fortunate.)
She gives affection freely.
She has taught me what a gift life is, how important it is to be thankful for each thing we are given, no matter how small.
When she’s excited, she jumps and laughs and squeals. She lives her joy with childlike abandon. We’re all too hung-up with ourselves to ever really give ourselves over to happiness and joy. We’re the ones missing out.
It’s hard sometimes, but it’s my privilege to take care of her. She depends totally on me–what an awesome responsibility!
She is satisfied with so little. It takes almost nothing to make her happy, where as all of us are never satisfied.

If all of these things come with being retarded, maybe we should all be so fortunate as to be counted among that number. There are obviously worse things to be.

A narrow-minded idiot, for example.

P.S. In case you missed the message: Suck it, Margaret Cho. You don’t deserve a “retarded” child.