I’ve been thinking a lot lately about people, and how they think, and what they think about others.
I’ve also been thinking about the short bus.
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been reminded that being told you “ride the short bus” is an insult. It means you are stupid or crazy. But my daughter rides the short bus, and my sister always rode the short bus, and neither one of them is stupid or crazy.
So I started thinking, as I was standing outside and waiting on the aforementioned short bus with my daughter, that riding that diminutive mode of transportation is awesome. Way more awesome than, say, riding a regular bus. As proof, I have compiled a highly scientific and accurate list of reasons why the short bus is the coolest bus in the fleet.
- The short bus has adult supervision. My elementary age daughter is being watched over by qualified adults, not high school kids with piercings and dirty mouths.
- My daughter wears an actual seat belt. If the regular bus has an accident, your kid is going to be bouncing around like a pea in a can. Sorry!
- In general, the short bus drivers are kinder, more patient, and far more accommodating than regular bus drivers. Sorry again!
- Sure, the kids on the short bus have problems, but I’ve met the regular ed kids on the regular bus. I think you’d better be more worried than me!
- Yeah, some of them might lick the windows. At least they aren’t making out with each other and “experimenting!”
- Lots of them still color with crayons. But they aren’t smoking cigarettes. Or drinking. Good luck!
- Most of the kids are dressed pretty conservatively, but I’d take that over the “gangsta” look, male skinny jeans, or the little girls who look like they got their clothing out of the discount bin at Hal’s House of Hookers.
- The kids on the short bus have lots of issues, but my daughter will never tell me she hates me, hit me, roll her eyes at me, or call me a bitch.
- Also, I don’t ever have to worry about my daughter coming home with a guy who looks like he just escaped from work release, telling me they are in LOVE and they are going to have a BABY!
- Likewise, I don’t have to worry about her becoming the most “popular” girl in school, if you get my meaning.
- I ALSO don’t have to worry about naked pictures of my daughter popping up on the Internet because of “sexting.”
- My daughter and her peers on the short bus don’t judge people. They don’t make fun of others because they are different, or use them as the butt of a joke. They aren’t racists, bigots, or just general assholes. They aren’t bullies. In short (get it?), they aren’t jerks.
See, riding the short bus isn’t so bad. It doesn’t make you stupid, or crazy. You won’t catch a disease from riding it. In fact, I’d take the short bus any day. I’d climb on, and sit in the back, and as we passed the regular bus, I’d hold up a sign:
SEE YOU LATER, LOSERS!