The Book of Yuck

I watch too much television.

I base this statement on the fact that I am constantly annoyed, irritated, amazed (not in a good way) and, most recently, sickened by what I see on tv.  There’s a new show on TLC (part of the Discovery family) called “Extreme Cheapskates,” and, obviously, it’s about people who go to amazing lengths to save money.  Aside from the guy who filched his wife’s anniversary gift out of a Dumpster, the most horrific of these tight wad elite was a mother who—who—-oh Lord—-uses reusable cloths instead of toilet paper. She uses reusable cloths instead of toilet paper.  SHE USES REUSABLE CLOTHS INSTEAD OF TOILET PAPER!!!

I can’t let this go.  I’ve tried to get this out of my mind, but it’s stuck there, like some sort of poisonous insect that just keeps burrowing deeper and deeper.

Now, I consider myself at least a moderate environmentalist.  My biggest contribution to environmental wellbeing is that I am vegan.  I buy organic when I can, recycle, compost, and in short I try to have as many green practices as possible.

But I have to draw the line at wiping my butt on a washcloth.

This vomitous woman has a little shelf where most of us keep our TP, and underneath that is a small waste basket.  The cloths were stacked on the shelf.  They dropped the used ones in the basket, then she dumps them in the washer, “….and I never have to touch them with my bare hands,” she said.

Well, I’m glad she never has to touch them with her bare hands, but God help us, it’s still disgusting.  I am extremely suseptible to smells–more so than usual, I think–and the thought of that basket sitting there full of…..well, you know, and the smell that would come from it, it’s too much. It stinks, even in my imagination.

Here are some more fun facts for you–she said that bacteria couldn’t survive the environment of the washing machine, but I beg to differ.  Unless you have a magic washer that somehow dispenses boiling water, then it is possible for germs to survive.  Wet laundry that gets transferred from the washer to the dryer is ripe with fecal matter–and that’s on our regular clothing and towels.  I always wash my hands after handling laundry.  If I had a basket full of butt cloths, the only solution would be for me to take them into the yard and light them on fire.  She was letting her kids fold the little cloths, and one of the cloths was thoroughly stained, and the little boy said, “Mommy, this one isn’t clean!” and she hurriedly grabbed it from him and said, “It’s fine, it’s just stained.” My head!  Oh! my head!

I’m sorry, Mother Earth, but I love toilet paper.  You can’t ever have enough.


I sometimes have little flashes of lucidity, and I realize I am a (not so) borderline germaphobe.  I don’t know what to do about, other than just go with it.  I try to put a positive spin on it, like saying that I probably have the cleanest hands of anyone I know.

But there may be some things you of which you are dreadfully unaware, like the fecal matter in the laundry.  Everyone knows about the telephone and the tv remote control, but here are some other things that require your germ-busting attention:

  • the sugar scoop
  • the bottle of dish soap
  • the milk jug
  • the knobs on the washer and dryer (see fecal matter comment)
  • the dish drainer (soak that baby in bleach!)

Really, the list could potentially go on forever, but I don’t want to infect everyone else with the crazies.

I’m not sure how I got off on this germ tangent, but my original point was my need to stop watching television.  It is only going to cause me more and more stress, apparently, yet I just keep on turning it on.

After I wipe off the remote control.


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