(not so) Wonderful Summer

I’m not a faithful contributor, but I am a faithful fan of The Northwest Mommy and her Monday Listicles.  I love lists.  I love them.  Because that’s just how I roll.

This week, the list is about Summer.  And lots of people have lots of great things to say about summer.  I, however, have a love/hate relationship with the summer.  It’s not a 50/50 thing, either.  Maybe 70/30 in the favor or hate.  Or more like 80/20.

Anyway, I made a list about summer.  Here you go.

  • It’s hot.  This falls into the “no shit” category, but I really don’t like heat.  Now, lots of places are hotter.  I have family in Phoenix, where birds burst into flames in midair and nuns curse openly on the streets (to quote Dave Barry), but it’s still hot here, too.  Plus, we have humidity.  (Digression: I always hear people talk about places like Phoenix and Vegas, and they say, “It’s a dry heat.”  What does that mean?  It’s a 112 degrees.  It’s hot.) For those of you unscientific folks, humidity is the meteorological phenomenon which makes your hair frizzy and makes your underwear stick to you.
  • The bugs come out.  I don’t know where bugs go in the winter.  Maybe down South.  But I know they come back here in the summer, and other than the ones which live at the place where we go camping, most of them are in my yard, and possibly my basement.  You know that kid from Peanuts, the one with the stinky cloud always hovering around him?  We kind of look like that, but the stinky cloud is actually gnats.  Plus, the bees are everywhere.  You have to keep moving at all times outside, or else they will start building a nest right there in your armpit.
  • My routine is shot to hell.  Really.  School is out, everyone is home, we get up at different times, we go to bed at different times.  I can’t mop because everyone is running around everywhere.  They want to go swimming and go for drives and watch movies and play video games and have sleepovers, and I can’t say, “Sorry, it’s a school night.”  It’s anarchy.
  • People have started coming out of their clothes.  Apparently, the heat has damaged some people’s brain to the point where they feel the only way to remain cool is to remove their clothing, thereby exposing their pasty, pouchy flesh to the rest of the world.  There is more T&A out at Wal-Mart than at the AVN Awards.  I should be able to go buy bread, milk, a fishing lure and an Aahhhh Bra without having to see someone’s junk.
  • I can’t go to the beach, but everyone else can.  I mean, really, every person on Facebook, every member of my family, every person I’ve ever known is going to the beach.  But not me.  I’m spending my money on paint and kitchen cabinets.  La-tee-frickin’-da!
  • Smells are worse.  Heat does not cause good things to happen in terms of my olfactory senses.  I step outside, take a deep breath, and promptly turn and walk back inside.  I can smell the trash bins.  The creek is stinky when the water is low.  Don’t even mention if something has been hit on the road.  The cold of the winter hides these offensive odors, but summer heat bakes them, like some sort of giant, industrialized oven in Hell.  Roadkill casserole, anyone?

Well, that about does it for my complaining.  There are lots of things I like about summer, too, but unfortunately I can’t come up with any just now.

It’s 90/10.  Definitely.



Lists. Movies. What’s not to Love?

Today I am linking up with The Northwest Mommy.  It’s Monday Listicles, and everyone knows how I LOVE lists.  Even better:  it’s a list about movie quotes, which I speak fluently.  I even did a post before about how my mind is constantly conjuring up movie quotes and song lyrics in response to everyday situations.

The job today is to make a list of my top ten movie quotes.  Baby, I could make a list of a thousand movie quotes, but I’ll spare you.  I’ll just give you a list of the ones that pop into my head the most often.

  1. “I’ll be damned!” “You may indeed, if you get lucky.” This is from Tombstone, in a conversation between Doc Holiday and Wyatt Earp. Every time I hear someone say “I’ll be damned,” I think the response.  I can’t even help it.
  2. “Put the f—— lotion in the basket!” from Silence of the Lambs.  This ones comes up every time I see anyone holding a bottle of lotion.
  3. Also from SOTL, “Hey you don’t know what pain is!” This is also something Buffalo Bill yells down at his captive in the pit in his basement.  This is after she manages to set a trap and get his little doggie down the well with her.  She yells up at him that she thinks the dog is in a lot of pain.  He yells this down in response.  For some reason, whenever someone is whiney, this pops into my head.
  4. “There is no normal life, Wyatt.  There’s just life.  Go. Live it.” This one is also from Tombstone, which I have seen many, MANY times, in case you couldn’t tell.  Doc says it at the end.  It’s sort of cheesy, but I like it.  I don’t really believe in the word “normal,” and I guess that’s I especially liked this one.
  5. “I’m gonna lean up against you and you just lean right back up against me.  This way we don’t have to sleep with our heads in the mud.” This is from Forrest Gump.  Bubba says it to Forrest while they are in Vietnam.  You’ve gotta have friends, man.
  6. “Screw ’em! Screw the government!” Anthony Hopkins says this in Legends of the Fall.  He’s speaking in the context of Prohibition.  I particularly love this one, because it’s part of the inner vernacular of my marriage.
  7. “I feel like I’m babysitting except I’m not getting paid.”  I use this one a LOT.  It’s from The Goonies.
  8. “Un-be-LIEVE-able!” It’s hard to get this one without hearing the way she says it, but it’s from Cold Mountain. 
  9. “If you’re gonna spew, spew into this.” This one is from Wayne’s World. Garth holds this teeny little paper cup up to his inebriated friend and says this.  Any time someone says they feel sick, even if they are just speaking rhetorically, this one pops into my mind.
  10. “I promise some day I WILL repay you.  Unless of course I can’t find you or if I forget.”  I have no idea why I like this one so much, I just do.  It’s from Shrek 2.

Making this list made me realize something–I have a strange mind.

Huh.  Who knew?


Check out the rest of the awesome lists!


Monday Listicles





As an aside, my site is now entirely in italics, which I hate.  I did not do this.  Any thoughts or suggestions from the blogosphere?

My Passions

I love lists.  Lists make me happy.  I like to make them in my blog.  I make lists before I go to the store.  I make a list of things I need to pack for a trip.  I make “to do” lists.  They comfort my mind and help me get my thoughts organized.  Lists are cool.

So imagine my joy at finding a little blog writing prompt which actually asks me to make a list each Monday!  Yay lists!

Northwest Mommy over at the blog Life is Good has a little thing each week called Monday Listicles.  She takes suggestions from selected people each week for a list, and this week the list suggestion came from Jackie over at Not Wifezilla.  It’s about what moves us–what we are passionate about.

My passions:

  • The bodily functions of my people:  I just did a post about this.  I’m not sure how this happened, but the fact remains: the toilet habits of those I care for are a major part of my life.
  • Hand washing:  If everyone would just wash their freakin’ hands more often, and use hand sani when they can’t, the world would be a better place!
  • Selflessness:  this is a big one.  I think most of the world’s problems can be boiled down to people being incredibly selfish.  People only care about how they feel, and how things will affect them.  They never even think about other people, let alone actually do things for them!
  • Education:  I think, as a whole, parents underestimate the importance of education in a child’s life.  An education is one gift you can give a child that can never be taken away.  A good, complete education is invaluable.  You cannot learn too much.  Math geeks should study literature, and vice versa.  We sometimes just assume that our kids  are getting what they need in school, but if you take the time to investigate, I’m afraid you might find that isn’t the case.
  • Handicap Accessibility:  I have no idea why some people think it is okay for a public building to be inaccessible.  To me, this is discrimination.  Period.  Our local school system is notorious for this.  We have a middle school that is completely inaccessible.  In other words, I pay taxes for a building that is inaccessible to two very important members of my family.  No way.
  • Accountability:  No matter what the issue–work, parenting, relationships, the environment–people lack accountability.  No matter what happens, it’s not their fault.  Someone else did something that caused this thing to happen.  I think of it as a “poor me” type of attitude, and it sucks.
  • Disability:  I have very black and white views of what a disabled person is.  I live in an area that is overrun with people who claim to be disabled and get a big check each month.  These same people ride four-wheelers, hunt, climb, run, whatever.  They park in the handicap spot and then prance up and down every single aisle in the store.  This is related to the accountability thing.  These people apparently thing someone owes them something.  WRONG!
  • Animals:  I’m a vegan.  I made this major life decision on April 18th, 2011.  It’s decision that is one part health, one part animal rights, and one part environmental.  I encourage everyone to think about, and maybe try a vegan meal or two.  A little bit goes a long way.
  • Books:  I love reading.  I read every single day.  Every. Single. Day.  I don’t know how people can say, “I don’t read.”  I’ll read anything once.  I’ve read some real duds, and some real gems.  I worship Stephen King, but I’m open to anyone. (Except Nancy Grace.  I must have some standards, after all.)  Reading is a way to relax, and sometimes be in different place than reality.  The only thing to say is that I love a good story.
  • My Family:  That’s it.  More than anything, this is the passion that keeps me going day-to-day.  It’s the only thing I’m uncompromising about.  Before I had kids, I was sort of, well, adrift.  I had no sense of purpose.  When my kids were born, all of that changed.  They counted on me.  They had to have me there, at my best.  Being a mom is the only thing I’ve ever done that had real meaning, and I take it seriously.  Damn straight.


So that’s it.  That’s my first submission to Monday Listicles.  Thanks to Northwest Mommy and Jackie for this week’s thought-provoking topic.

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