The Trials and Tribulations of the Modern Day Millionaire

Yeah, it’s a hard old world, all right.  Just ask a rich person.

I mean, I’m not even going to talk about what kind of taxes rich people have to pay.  Unless of course they don’t have to pay any, and then I guess that’s ok.  Oh! And let’s not forget how difficult it is to make sure the help is all legal–let’s see those green cards, guys!  Then there’s the constant demands of the people around the rich–you know, to do something worthy with their money and make a difference in the world.  And you can’t even imagine how much the insurance on a Bentley costs!

Sort of makes you sad, doesn’t it?  Either that, or it makes you want to vomit.

Somehow, rich people are becoming the victims.  Of all of the amazing things I’ve heard in the course of my life, this one has to be WAAAAAYYYYYY up there at the top of the list.  I’m not so naive that I actually believe taxing rich people will solve our economic problems–but neither am I so dumb that I think it’s okay for everyone else on Earth to pay taxes for basically everything except the air we breathe (don’t get any ideas, Mr. President, it was just a joke!) and that certain other financially endowed people get a break.  I find it amusing that Congress was against the increase on taxing the rich–hel-LO! They ARE the rich! These are the same people who get on television and gesture and tear at their hair and open small arms fire at the opposing party because of the state of our economy…..and then vote to give themselves a cost of living raise.

Now, I know this horse is long dead, and I know Rep. Fleming wasn’t really asking for sympathy when he informed us that he “only” made about $400,000 after he “fed his family” (what the &%$# is his family eating, anyway?) I still couldn’t help but to not give a shit.  I’m sure $400,000 is what the IRS sees on his personal income tax, but I’m equally sure he’s just as big a whore as everyone else in DC.

True Story:  The government wanted to adjust some school lunch programs around the country to include fewer potatoes and some different, healthier vegetables from time to time.  The bill was doing pretty good, until apparently it suddenly occurred to the potato producers that, “Hey! That means they won’t be buying as many potatoes!”  So they threw some money at the right people, and that particular bill went down in flames.  I hope they at least wore a condom.

Even if $400,000 a year really is “all” someone earns, is that a bad thing?  I think I could stretch that out for a year.  Of course, my tastes are probably not quite as exquisite.  But damn! Think of the books I could put on my Kindle with that!

And celebrities. They crack me up.  Professional sports players actually going on strike. They cry and say they have no privacy and no personal lives because everything is photographed and splashed across the cover of magazines.  Oh, excuse me while I get a tissue.  Don’t like it?  Give up the millions and millions of dollars you make for basically playing dress-up and go to work like the rest of us. Yes, and that means Consuela has to leave and you have to take care of your own kids.  Uh-oh.  I thought that might be a deal-breaker.

I especially love when these celebs go to foreign countries.  Angelina is my favorite, by far.  She goes to all of these poverty-ridden countries, and after she adopts a kid or two to tote around for the cameras, she frowns and hugs some of the ones she didn’t adopt, and gets lots of great photo-ops.  She puts her skinny, vein-y arms around those little guys and it just about breaks your heart.

Or not.

If celebrities are so worried about those people, why don’t they realize that the opulent lifestyles they lead are a direct mockery to the image they are trying to portray?  Hey, Angie! Why not drop a couple hundred bucks and hand out some sandwiches and DaSani?

I’m sure somewhere out there someone is going to go on about all of the good celebrities do and how they use their fame to make issues more public so pathetic low-life losers like us can be more aware of them.  Whatever.  There are people all over this planet who do good–no, make that great–things every day who don’t need to have a picture of it to make it count, and furthermore, they sure as hell aren’t rich.

The worst thing about all of this is that money is really just a figment of our imagination, anyway.  Dave Barry says it’s like Tinkerbell–the only reason it exists is because we believe in it.  Keep clapping, everyone!

Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have breakfast.  I think I’ll fry some potatoes.

 

 

 

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